Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? You can't. How can you sleep knowing that you are no longer loved by the man you love?

I miss Yiannis

Sometimes I can't bear to go on. I feel like my whole future has been destroyed. Yiannis is not a man because a man wouldn't treat someone like this. No he's not even human. He's just a creature. A human would at least be kind. That's all I want. Kindness. So many people are horrified at his behaviour.

And what makes it hurt extra bad is that there is someone else. Someone who he sits online and talks to on fb every night. I know him. It explains why he was so keen to be rid of me. He loves her and it has probably been going on for ages. So for all that talk of morals... he is not grieving me. He is a sick, wicked freak.

Work has been horrendous today. This is because everything is being blamed on me and also because I keep crying over yiannis and his new girlfriend.

The sad thing is that all he would have to do is text me and ask to meet and it would make everything better. But he won't because he is a coward and would rather spend time with his worthless bitch than show care for the girlfriend who loved him for nearly five years.

It looks as if he never loved me enough to be want to be with me, he never loved me enough to try. It has all been pretense on his part. As the song says: "Guess it wasn't real after all".

I did everything for him and yet being with me must have nearly killed him. Maybe he felt that he needed to punish himself for something and that is what led him to start a relationship with me. I don't know. It just makes me sick that everytime he kissed me, everytime he touched me or spent time with me, he must have despised me. Maybe that is why he felt the need to destroy my life.

All least I am going to Will's bbq later. That will take my mind off things.

I am feeling so ill. I have terrible shooting pains in my arms.  I also have very cold hands. I never thought that it is possible to feel emotional pain in a physical way. But now I have been barely able to walk and I am constantly being sick. So how any of this is for my sake I don't know .

There is no point writing about how I feel as I don't feel. I feel like my emotions are dead. I can't even remember who I was. I see things that remind me of another life but it seems like a dream now.

I think I must've done something in a past life to deserve this punishment. But all I ever did was commit the crime of loving someone. I want to smile again but my sparkle has gone and I don't think I will smile again.

Another night where it looks as if sleep and I won't be making friends. Doesn't help that the book I'm reading is a ghost story lol.

Got about 3 hours sleep last night. Today is gonna suck.

I'm off to London today to see Yiannis. It is such a beautiful day. The sun is shining. It's a shame I have a headache and a sore throat though. I am also feeling so tired. We are planning on visiting the Horniman Museum

I spend far too much time online. Really I do. I need to spend more time reading or writing or... something. Ok, that's it, no internet now for a few hours.

It is 9am and I am still in bed! This may not seem that impressive but it's impressive for me! Tbh I have been reading and on the netbook for the last 40 mins but still I am doing it all in bed, not in an office.

So, life updates. Work is still work, however now I have a cute lunchbox to take my lunch to work in (see previous post). This makes my soul complete. Harriet sent an email around at work on Thursday saying that she had left some cupcakes in the breakroom and then announced she was quitting. I was so sad because I quite liked her. The cupcakes were good though.

I have pretty much abandoned my 365 day project because the photographs I was taking were rubbish. I now have a new obsession, Tumblr. You can see my Tumblr here. There is not much on it at the moment. I have also been writing a lot. A lot of my writing I have posted to Triond. You can view my profile page for that here.

I saw Yiannis yesterday, we hung out and went to a family thing of his in the evening. I really missed him but my time with him goes too fast.

Since I have started working full-time, I have been fed up of throwing my lunch any old how into my bag. I decided the solution to my problems was a lunch box! Now back into October, I saw this pos over Wish Wish Wish: http://wishwishwish.net/?p=1781. The lunch box really appealed to me but I had no reason to buy it. But now I do have a reason.

I purchased this beauty off ebay, but you can buy them all over the web and they are not too expensive. Now I can take my lunch to work in style!

I cannot get this song out of my head!

Finally got a moment to blog! But I can't really write much as I haven't been up to much. I went to see Russell Howard at the O2 arena with Yianni last Saturday. It was awesome. We had some real Italian icecream at a place called Scoop beforehand.

Apart from that I have just been working. Working and making money. I have also been writing a lot. It makes me happy. Oh yeah and my line manager told me I was making a lot of calls and getting through a lot of candidates which is excellent.

Weekends go so quickly. Grrr, Monday tomorrow.

I have been catching up on my favourite tv shows this afternoon, such as The Tudors and HIMYM. I don't get as much chance to watch them as I did. I am also going out for a meal with my parents later.

I ate at Aroma with Yiannis yesterday to celebrate Valentine's Day. I have never actually done anything for Valentine's Day. I think it is a bit of a nothing day really.

I have finally launched my writing website Sweet Ophelia but as of yet I have not posted anything on there. I have been doing some writing recently, I have been entering competions and I have also been working on a short story.

Yesterday I was in the audience of the BBC quiz show presented by Alexander Armstrong. It was so fun going into the BBC television studios. I took some photos but I can't be bothered uploading them right now.

Andy Murray didn't win :-(

Work is a bit rubbish but at least it's Tuesday night now. I am watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding which is disturbing and compelling. I have ordered some stuff off Artbox so hopefully they will arrive soon.

So tired. This full time working is tiring. Night all.

Good morning, it's Lotus. The lesser spotted Lotus. I have been having a bad few weeks so haven't been up to writing on her. Also, I haven't had much time.

So you want an update on my life, right? Well, work is going a little better, I have a slightly clearer idea of what I'm supposed to be doing now. I have a new desk which I was worried about at first, but it is not that bad . I am trying to make my work environment more comfortable by bringing in photographs, pinning up information on what to do around my computer and I am planning to purchase some cute stationery from www.artbox.com to keep my verbal reference sheets and other paper work in.

My desire to create has been really strong recently. I woke up with the real desire to do something. Maybe it is because I am doing such a boring job and there are so many rules that I have to follow, that I need to rebel against that. Because I don't want to be defined by my job. I missed blogging. I also have been keeping up my creative side with the 365 project. Check that out here: http://365project.org/misschambers/365. I have been writing recently and want to create a writing blog, just as soon as I can think of a name for it lol.

I am watching the Australian Open final. Andy Murray is playing. Really hope he wins. Doesn't look like it much at the moment though.

Am so tired. Work has been really difficult this week. I am pretty much left on my own to handle the work. I hope things get better. Plus, my eyes are hurting me tonight. Am so glad tomorrow is Friday.

So apart from that, I haven't been up to much. Just been coming home, watching television, talking to Yiannis and reading. I haven't even done any shopping recently. Maybe it is good, as it gives me a break from constantly buying things lol.

I have had a really stressful week. I started my new job on Wednesday. I found it difficult getting up at 6.25am, until I found out that the bus I planned on catching wouldn't get me to work on time. So I may have to go earlier, except that the earlier bus comes at 7.40am. This means I will have to get the train earlier and therefore get up around 5.50am. I know, its pretty ridiculous. My Mum drove me in yesterday but it looks as if I may have to do the early thing on Monday morning. I am dreading it especially as I found the work really difficult on Friday.

To relax myself today I went for a walk in Flitwick woods. The trip was primarily to get today's photo for my 365 project (all my photos have been interior photos as I have been getting home too late to take any outside one) but I got some nice wintery ones as well.

The last one is my picture for today. I really like it.

Happy New Year! I have probably broken all my new year's resolutions already. All except one- to document my life by taking a photograph everyday as part of Project 365. Check my photos out here: http://365project.org/misschambers/365. I admit they are not very good at the moment, some of the other photos on that website put mine to shame. But I still want to do it.

I had a good new year, I spent it with my parents and Yiannis. Yiannis went back to Reading with his brother this morning so now I feel like Christmas is over, even though it is not officially over until the 6th.

I am so nervous about starting at Verifile on Wednesday. I went crazy in Tescos today and bought loads of healthy snacks and bottles of water (well, two), because I am worried about being hungry at work. It is comforting in a way. I really want a cup of tea now because that will comfort me some more. Someone give me hugs!